I write in response to the question you asked in your letter last week. You said you saw images of a beautiful Ghanaian actress who was involved in an accident after a movie shoot. You know I am not a fan of movies, especially the local ones they produce these days, so I don’t really know about some of these movie stars.
I went online to look for the story and that was the first time I heard about Vicky Zugah. I also saw photos of her battered face and reddened eye. I feel really sorry for the actress and wish her a speedy recovery.
Now let’s go back to the reason for this letter. Your question was how I would take it if you were involved in an accident and had such a serious dent on your beauty.
Serwaa, today I want to be brief because this is a very simple matter. My answer is that I will do nothing. You will still be my Serwaa, and I will still love you. I don’t think anything should change.
When your beauty is dented, it means practically nothing. But when your character is dented, it means everything. So if your good character is intact, I will not worry so much about it. My reason for saying this is very simple.
Men are like butterflies and other flower insects. We are often attracted to flowers with brightly coloured petals. What determines the amount of time an insect perches on a particular flower is the amount of sweet nectar that flower has. What I am saying is that the flowers in this case are women. The brightly coloured petals represent the beauty while the nectar is character.
The truth is that beauty attracts men, but it is character that retains them. And, mind you, I am talking about real men here, not those who cannot stay with the choices they make. As far as I am concerned, beauty is important. But I know it withers with time and the most miserable men are those who fall in love and marry with their eyes. Beauty can fade, but character is like an indelible marker. It has some element of permanence which sustains relationships and marriages if it is a good one.
What happened to Vicky Zugah can happen to anybody. No one is immune to accidents. Our physical appearances are important, but they are really not fixed assets. They are like long-term liabilities. We spend so much to keep them glowing, but their durability is as unpredictable as the margin of Philip Addison’s defeat. In fact, beauty is like a political party delegate. You can’t trust it so much.
Another reason I cannot think of leaving you if Vicky Zugah’s fate befalls you is that I cannot guarantee that I will remain this way for the rest of my life. If anything happened to me, I would expect you to stand by me. In the same way, if what happened to Vicky Zugah happened to you, I would have to stay with you and help you to recover. There is absolutely no reason to feel or behave in a way that shows disapproval or a diminished love. The magnetic field of your character is too strong to let me go.
Serwaa, what this should teach you is that you need to invest more in your character than in your beauty. I am sure Vicky Zugah will soon be fit and start going about her duties. Her beauty may have been affected but not her character.
I read a story online in which she was quoted as telling Hitz FM’s Black I that “I will do all I can to restore my face and get rid of my scars”.
“I’m just praying to God that my eye won’t be affected,” she added.
With what Vicky Zugah does, her beauty is her asset, her bargaining tool to some extent. One needs to look good to get a place in some competitive movie roles. But the same cannot be said of relationships and marriages. Any woman who has beauty as her main bargaining tool in a relationship or in marriage is more miserable than a pauper who delivers quadruplets.
A man who marries a beautiful wife will always feel proud among his peers, but the man who is blessed with a woman with good character has perpetual internal peace and happiness.
What I want you to know as we prepare to tie the complex knot is that no matter how beautiful a woman is, the mere fact that her spouse sees that beauty everyday diminishes that beauty in his eyes. Each day, he sees more beautiful women out there. But a good character is difficult to come by. So let’s invest in our characters more than in our looks.
On good character shall we build our marriage, and the gates of divorce shall not prevail against it.